In light of some recent comments I’ve received in my mock drafts, I’ve decided to do a mock draft–with no trades because every trade is unrealistic–making selections for your team that they simply will NOT be making.
Let me preface this by saying–there is absolutely NO way your team will pick these players. None of these picks makes sense, and you don’t have to worry about me making this mock draft because it’s almost surely going to be incorrect.
Let the games begin.
**All explanations are as sarcastic as can be.
1. Houston Texans: Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina
The Texans won’t be taking Clowney with the number one overall pick because he’s too lazy, and is so entitled he thinks he should be the number one pick. Plus, his athleticism and upside doesn’t mask the fact that he wasn’t able to shed enough triple teams in 2013.
2. St. Louis Rams (f/WAS): Khalil Mack, LB, Buffalo
The Rams already have Chris Long and Robert Quinn already, so why would they take Khalil Mack? He is of no use to a defense that already gets ‘enough’ pressure on opposing QBs. Despite being the most talented senior defender in the draft, the Rams should forget about the fact that they play in one of the best divisions in football where pass rush is king.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars: Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville
The Jaguars have Chad Henne already, so they’ll likely turn to another position with this pick. Bridgewater doesn’t make any sense for the Jaguars because they can simply wait until their second round pick in hopes that Jimmy G. will be there.
4. Cleveland Browns: Derek Carr, QB, Fresno State
All the talk of the Browns liking Derek Carr is probably just a smokescreen. They will probably look elsewhere with this pick.
5. Oakland Raiders: Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson
The Raiders don’t need any playmakers offensively. Watkins is probably not enough of an upgrade over what they have to make this selection realistic.
6. Atlanta Falcons: Greg Robinson, OT, Auburn
The Falcons are already good enough in their protection of Matt Ryan, so taking the top tackle in the draft isn’t a realistic option.
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M
The Bucs signed Josh McCown, so taking the exciting former Heisman winner isn’t a legitimate possibility. Manziel may be talented but he’s a headache off the field and not worth it.
8. Minnesota Vikings: Blake Bortles, QB, Central Florida
The Vikings are not in the market for a QB this early so landing Bortles isn’t a possibility. I thought they might be a team that could trade up to get Bortles, perhaps into the top five, but I think he’ll probably be a last resort if indeed they’re able to get him.
9. Buffalo Bills: Jake Matthews, OT, Texas A&M
Cashing in on the fall of Matthews isn’t something the Bills would consider doing. He’s simply not an exciting enough pick and protecting last year’s first rounder is not of paramount importance.
10. Detroit Lions: Mike Evans, WR, Texas A&M
Mike Evans and Calvin Johnson simply could never co-exist. There is such a thing as too much size at the WR position and not enough balls to go around. Plus, this is the kind of pick Matthew Stafford would be upset with.
11. Tennessee Titans: Anthony Barr, LB, UCLA
The Titans don’t need pass rushers, so Barr makes no sense whatsoever. He has some upside and was pretty productive the past two seasons, but this could be a step backwards for them.
12. New York Giants: Aaron Donald, DT, Pittsburgh
Donald is a good interior pass rusher, and a workout warrior, but the Giants tend to stay away from those kinds of players. If not for his production at the college level, I think this would be an utter wasted pick.
13. St. Louis Rams: Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan
Lewan is a solid athlete with good size, but you can pretty much cross him off the board at this point for St. Louis. This pick doesn’t make much sense for the Rams.
14. Chicago Bears: Justin Gilbert, CB, Oklahoma State
The Bears upgraded their defensive line in free agency, so getting some help at CB is out of the question since they also re-signed Charles Tillman. Gilbert can return kicks and punts if need be, but the Bears don’t need that since Eric Weems took a pay cut to replace Devin Hester.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers: Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan State
The Steelers don’t really need CBs, but Dennard is a really good player so I forced him to fit in this situation.
16. Dallas Cowboys: Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, S, Alabama
The Cowboys could upgrade at safety, but getting the best player at the position in the draft is not a good strategy.
17. Baltimore Ravens: Calvin Pryor, S, Louisville
The Ravens drafted Matt Elam last year, so there’s no chance they take a safety two years in a row.
18. New York Jets: Bradley Roby, CB, Ohio State
The Jets spent a lot of attention on offense in free agency, so they’ll likely continue to address that area in the draft and will continue to neglect the CB position, even with the loss of Antonio Cromartie.
19. Miami Dolphins: Zack Martin, OL, Notre Dame
The Dolphins’ offensive line is back in business with Branden Albert, so Martin doesn’t make any sense here but he’s the BPA.
20. Arizona Cardinals: Eric Ebron, TE, North Carolina
The Cardinals’ offense already has guys like Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Floyd, and Rob Housler is making progress so you can forget about a tight end, even one as talented as Ebron here.
21. Green Bay Packers: Weston Richburg, C, Colorado State
Losing Evan Dietrich-Smith hurts, but the Packers can take another position here and figure that out later. Even though Richburg won’t be there in the 2nd round for them (likely) they shouldn’t reach for him here. And they wouldn’t either.
22. Philadelphia Eagles: C.J. Mosley, LB, Alabama
The Eagles’ defense was good enough last year, they need to focus on replacing DeSean Jackson.
23. Kansas City Chiefs: Odell Beckham, WR, LSU
Kansas City has other holes than wide receiver so Beckham would be a reach, but he’s one of the top offensive players available so we’ll shove the square peg in the round hole.
24. Cincinnati Bengals: Dee Ford, DE, Auburn
The Bengals lost Michael Johnson, but their pass rush should still be fine. Ford won’t be picked here.
25. San Diego Chargers: Kyle Fuller, CB, Virginia Tech
The Chargers don’t really need a cornerback with this pick, so Fuller doesn’t make a lot of sense. Plus, he’s a bigger and more physical corner that is being overrated at this point.
26. Cleveland Browns (f/IND): Marqise Lee, WR, USC
Marqise Lee is destined to bust in the NFL because of his decline last year at USC with a new QB. He’d be a waste of a pick for the Browns.
27. New Orleans Saints: Demarcus Lawrence, DE/LB, Boise State
Lawrence is a rising pass rusher, but the Saints don’t need OLBs right now.
28. Carolina Panthers: Brandin Cooks, WR, Oregon State
The Panthers aren’t taking a receiver in round one, even if one like Cooks falls. He makes no sense at this point.
29. New England Patriots: Ra’Shede Hageman, DL, Minnesota
Why would the Patriots take a talented defensive lineman here? Hageman has upside but there’s no reason for the Patriots to think he can contribute now or down the road.
30. San Francisco 49ers: Kony Ealy, DE, Missouri
The Niners made a mistake with Aldon Smith, so Kony Ealy certainly won’t be the pick since they came from the same school. They are basically the same person.
31. Denver Broncos: Donte Moncrief, WR, Ole Miss
The Broncos lost Eric Decker, and don’t need a long term replacement. Moncrief is on the rise, sure, but his size/speed/route running abilities would be better off on a team in the early stages of the 2nd round.
32. Seattle Seahawks: Morgan Moses, OT, Virginia
The Seahawks can shore up right tackle later. Moses is big and would fit their scheme, but he’s too boring a pick for the flashy Super Bowl champs.
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